


greatest of all time (goat)

by SebbyLestowell (lafbaeyette)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 07:32:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15359424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lafbaeyette/pseuds/SebbyLestowell
Summary: Phil returns home from a trip with a surprising new visitor, and Dan is rightfully flabbergasted at the situation.AKAThe One Where Phil Adopts A Goat





	greatest of all time (goat)

**Author's Note:**

> I've been binging Dan & Phil content for the past two weeks. I haven't written fic in months, and THUS, I have made a new account in which I may end up posting some D&P content here and there? If anyone's into it? (I spent so long writing Hamilton fic, it's almost a little strange to write new people, b u t we'll see what happens.)

The sun was setting on a rare warm summer day in London when a sprightly Dan finally rolled out of bed. He stretched the kinks out of his limbs, groaning as his joints popped in the most satisfying ways after lying essentially motionless for hours on end to get through the latest season of one of his shows. He didn’t mean to watch the entire season in one day, he only meant to give himself a little taste of the show again and then wait until his roommate Phil got back so they could watch the rest together. Phil was set to come back that night, it shouldn’t have been such a hard task, but the Netflix autoplay feature got the best of him and before he knew it the day was gone. 

His stomach growled and he set out on his next mission, he should probably finally eat something. His mind was reeling with the loads of new information he had just taken in, he was already itching to tell Phil all about it, or force him to take a day off and watch it so they could talk about it. He wouldn’t actually spoil it for his friend, but god, he needed to  _ talk  _ about it.  _ Now _ . 

“I just can’t believe they actually did that - I thought they had jumped the shark there, but honestly, it took the show to new heights.” Dan murmured to himself as he began to scrounge around the kitchen for any form of sustenance. There was a vast array of condiments, sauces, drinks, and their trusty moldy lemon that they should honestly throw out. None of that sounded appetizing, let alone like it could be put together into a cohesive meal. 

“At least I can always rely on you, old friend.” Dan pulled a box of cereal out of the back of the cupboard, where he’d taken to hiding it from Phil’s greedy mits. He decided to have himself a bowl just to tide him over until Phil arrived, then they could decide what to do for dinner together. 

Dan had just settled into their couch with his cereal, about to begin an episode of a cooking program he’d been meaning to watch, when he heard the door to the apartment open forcefully. There was a moment of panic in which he thought maybe someone had broken in, but the more likely explanation was that Phil tripped over his suitcase and into the apartment, or was just being unnecessarily loud for any number of other reasons. There was a bit of commotion down the hall that Dan wrote off as Phil still being clumsy, most of it blocked out by the sound of the cooking program and his own crunching as he ate his cereal. 

He finally turned away from the television when he felt a new presence in the room and saw a familiar silhouette from the corner of his eye. 

“How was the trip? Did you see any ne--” Dan slowly sat his cereal bowl aside, turning fully to face the entrance to the lounge. “Phil Lester, what the  _ hell  _ is that?” 

Phil stood innocently in the entryway, backpack still slung over his shoulder, but that wasn’t what Dan’s eyes were on. Dan was focused on the small furry creature hiding behind Phil’s knees. Phil looked down at the animal, then back at Dan, and very obviously responded with, “It’s a goat!” 

“Yes, I can see that it’s a goat. Why is there a fucking goat in our  _ living room _ ?” 

Phil dropped down to his knees and began stroking the goat’s neck and back, earning the smallest of bleats from the creature. “He was lonely, Dan, he needed a friend. I’m his friend now.” 

Dan’s face scrunched up into a look a disbelief, his eyes nearly disappearing beneath his furrowed brow, as the only thing he could do in response was half-shout out, “What?!” 

“Look at him, Danny, he’s just a sweet lad that needs some love.” 

“It’s a  _ goat _ !” 

“He’s the G.O.A.T goat.” Phil scritched behind the goat’s ears and it let out another, slightly louder, bleat in thanks. “Can we keep him?” 

“You can’t be serious. Are you serious? Where did you get him? What do you plan on doing with him? Philip, you can’t keep a houseplant alive, how do you expect to take care of a  _ goat _ ? In a  _ flat _ ? In  _ London _ ?” Dan was past bewildered, he had launched into some feeling that couldn’t be described using any word in the English language. There was probably a Japanese or a French word for it, but he didn’t know what it was right then, so it didn’t matter. What mattered was that his roommate was currently sitting in the entrance of their lounge, petting a  _ goat _ . In their  _ home _ . What was his life? 

“I figure he can’t be that hard to take care of.” Phil finally looked back at his more-than-surprised, potentially-inching-toward-infuriated friend. “Goats’ll eat anything, won’t they?” 

“That’s not the point!” Dan couldn’t believe he was having this argument, over whether or not they could keep a  _ goat _ . 

“Where else will he go? I don’t know any cruelty-free goat farms to take him to, we should be his cruelty-free goat farm.” Phil turned back to the goat. “Wouldn’t you like that, Gerald? To stay here with us?” 

“You’ve named him?!” Dan finally stood, crossing the room to sit on his knees in front of his best friend. “Phil, where did you find him?” 

“He followed me home from the train!” 

“You’re telling me that you were just walking through the street, and a goat followed you home?” 

“That’s precisely what I’m telling you.” Phil could not have looked or sounded more serious, and that worried Dan. “It was meant to be, we were meant to be Gerald’s family, Dan!” 

Dan glanced at the goat, who stared back at him with his wide goat eyes, almost begging to stay himself. Dan shook his head, the goat was not begging for anything, it was a  _ goat _ . He was at a loss for words, what was he even supposed to do in this situation? 

Dan finally let out one long, defeated sigh. “Gerald can stay for tonight if I can choose dinner.” 

“Yes!” Phil pumped his fist in the air and wrapped his arms around Gerald’s neck, Gerald bleated excitedly. 

“ _ But _ , we are revisiting this tomorrow and Gerald is not a permanent fixture in this home. I don’t even know if it’s legal to have a goat in this building.” 

“Don’t worry, Gerald,” Phil whispered to the goat, though not quietly enough that Dan couldn’t hear. “We’ll talk him into letting you stay. We’ll be your new daddies.” 

“Oh sweet lord.” Dan dropped his head into his hands, still questioning what his life had become. On the bright side, he knew they would be eating a delicious Chinese dinner feast that night. Even if they had a new, unexpected visitor. Gerald at least knew when to be quiet during an intense moment in a show, unlike Phil. He wasn’t a wholly unwelcome guest, but Dan still wasn’t sure what the hell they were going to do when morning came. 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know how ya felt about my first 'phanfic' - Comments & Kudos are loved and appreciated, and lemme know if this is even quality enough that I should keep exploring the world of 'phanfiction'. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3


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